I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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