ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
