I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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