I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
