Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
