I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
