he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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