How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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