Betty ford says i'm here all night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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