So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
