dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
