she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
