so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
