We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
