I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
