And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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