If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
