My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
