I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
