No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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