I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
