Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
