id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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