I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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