I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
