im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
