I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
