I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
