I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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