Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
