i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
