cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
NoShamevember. You game?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
