Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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