you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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