I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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