i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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