she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
