Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
