oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Houston, we have a blender
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
