My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In America we eat man semen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
