So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
