Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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