The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
