Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
