every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
