her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
