just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
