it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
