Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
