where am i from again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
