my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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